Batman Returns Soundtrack

When I was twelve, my mom decided the best Christmas gift she could get me was a CD player. Remember, we’re talking early 90s, so this was a pretty big deal. Of course, it would’ve been a lame gift without some CDs to go with it. Not knowing what type of music I was actually into, my mom decided to pick up some soundtracks, figuring that since I enjoyed the movies, I surely enjoyed the music as well. Plus, they were in the bargain bin, but I’m sure that had absolutely nothing to do with her decision. Over the next few blogs, I’ll revisit the first three CDs I ever owned. So let’s go to the movies, shall we?

The main thing I remember about Batman Returns is how hot Michelle Pfeiffer was as Catwoman. Even hotter than Julie Newmar! If I was married to Michelle Pfeiffer, I’d make her wear the Catwoman outfit and whip me while reciting dialogue from Dangerous Minds… What? Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be reviewing the soundtrack.

I’ve never understood the market for original scores. Am I supposed to listen to this and reminisce about watching the movie? Or do I blare it and swing from the chandelier, pretending that I’m the Dark Knight? Actually, the music is making me want to do that. Alfred, get my batarang.

Danny Elfman is a talented composer, and he does a great job of really creating mood and atmosphere. But I don’t really foresee myself pouring a glass of wine and putting on “Batman vs The Circus” to get my wife in the mood. That’s the only reason people listen to classical music, right? To get laid?

Oh yeah, there’s also a Siouxsie and the Banshees song. It’s fun and kind of sexy, but it’s no “Batdance.” How much more awesome would Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy have been had Prince done the soundtracks? 165.73 times more awesome. I did the math.