No Alternative

Like 98% of the people who bought this album, I did so for one reason alone. An exclusive Nirvana song. Which was presented as a hidden track. I never understood that. Why hide your album’s strongest selling point? Supposedly, Kurt Cobain didn’t want people buying it solely for a Nirvana song. Which makes even less sense, considering it’s a charity album. Wouldn’t you want to sell as many copies as possible, thus raising more money for the charity? Who cares why they were buying so long as they were buying it?

My main memory of No Alternative was the huge disappointment it was. Here you had 19 talented artists, plus Sarah McLachlan. This should’ve hit it out of the park, even if some of the bands decided to slack and not bring their A game. But it felt like very few of them even brought their B game. Still, now that I’m older and my musical taste has refined, maybe I can appreciate this disc more. But I’m skipping the Sarah McLachlan track, if it’s all the same to you.

Things get off to a great start with “Superdeformed,” possibly my favorite Matthew Sweet song. It’s a lot darker than most of his work (its opening line is “There’s something I should tell you before I take your blindfold off”), but there’s no hiding his knack for catchy melodies. Buffalo Tom’s “For All To See” is good enough to keep the momentum rolling, but dear Lord, who granted Soul Asylum permission to cover “Sexual Healing”? I’m pretty sure that even during the irony-drenched 90s, someone had to have thought, “Yeah, no” when the idea was proposed. Fuck you, Dave Pirner. This was for charity. Charity, man. Think of the children.

Not sure if Urge Overkill comes off sounding better by following that monstrosity, but American Music Club provide a pretty good jam with the awesomely titled “All Your Jeans Were Too Tight.” The only awesome thing about the Goo Goo Dolls’ cover of “Bitch” is the fact that Lance Diamond is on vocals. The further removed we are from 1993, the more surreal it seems that Lance Diamond appears on an album full of alternative rock’s heavyweights.

Pavement get all Pavementy with a song about REM. Honestly, what is the appeal of these guys? Billy Corgan’s not-yet-bald-but-still-oversized ego pops by with “Glynis.” A lot of people online seem to name check this as their favorite Smashing Pumpkins. These people clearly never heard “Drown” or “Mayonaise.” I didn’t care for this song back then, but it’s not so bad in hindsight, with the knowledge that one day MACHINA will be a thing. Except for the attempt at a funky breakdown. That’s as bad as I remembered. Or as I would have remembered if I hadn’t repressed that particular memory.

“Can’t Fight It” proves Bob Mould was still a good songwriter post-Husker Du, while “Hold On” proves I’m staying true to my word and skipping the Sarah McLachlan track. Unfortunately, Soundgarden’s “Show Me” did not show Chris Cornell that he shouldn’t let the other guys write songs. Though, like with the Smashing Pumpkins, it benefits with the hindsight of knowing Down On The Upside is a thing.

Next up is Straightjacket Fits, Barbara Manning, and The Verlaines. I didn’t know who they were then, I still don’t know who they are, and I’ll never bother learning who they are. According to Wikipedia, Barbara Manning’s track is a Verlaines cover. Cute.

Uncle Tupelo turn in an uninspired cover of CCR’s “Effigy.” Beastie Boys do a live version of “It’s The New Style.” Double U Tee Eff? If they were going to retread, couldn’t they have chosen something from Paul’s Boutique instead? The Breeders’ “Iris” is as unmemorable as the rest of their material. Patti Smith’s “Memorial Song” is actually quite beautiful but unfortunately it’s padded out with one of her pretentious spoken word intros.

And the Nirvana song? (Originally titled “Verse Chorus Verse” but later re-titled “Sappy”) Totally worth purchasing this album for. See, kids, this was back in the days before downloading. If you wanted this track, you had to buy No Alternative. But it’s easily in their top 5 recordings. Right behind side one of In Utero. Which would actually make this their seventh-best recording. Hey, stop questioning my math.

Wow, this review has gone on way too long. In closing, No Alternative isn’t worthy of all the hate I placed on it back in the day. But it also isn’t worthy of the nostalgia love it seems to get. Maybe I’ll pick it up again the next time I see it at a thrift store. Maybe I won’t. But goddamn, I still love that Nirvana song.